It was the summer before my senior year of high school. My last summer of freedom!!! It was supposed to "The Summer of Tab." Then one word changed everything:
CANCER.
My mom. Breast cancer.
The summer became HER summer.
A diagnosis. A mastectomy. Recovery. Healing.
My mother became....human. She became mortal.
My mom's cancer rocked my world. And I was angry as hell about it.
Why would God mess with MY MOM of all people??? Why cancer? Why at so young an age? Why during MY SUMMER??
Dealing with all of that put me in a baaaaad spiritual place. I was giving God the silent treatment. I held back a lot of tears and frustration, trying to be strong for my mom. Meanwhile, I felt very far away from Him....and guess who had moved??
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love." {Come Thou Fount lyrics}
But all the while, He was beckoning me back. He was silently wooing me.
He allowed me some time to pout and feel sorry for myself. After the summer was over, I was walking the beach one afternoon, lost in my own little world. There must have been a recent memorial at sea because as I walked along, I came upon dozens of fresh flowers strewn across the sand. I smiled....it was beautiful. I didn't think much of it.
I continued walking. Then...all by itself was a single rose, resting on the sand. It was like God had set it there, just for me. Just as a gentle reminder. "I'm still here. I see you. I know the pain you're going through. I've never stopped loving you."
So I picked it up and took it home. That moment was a turning point for me. It was like God turned the lights back on in the darkness I had been living in and flooded my soul with peace. I knew we were all going to be ok.
God pursues us. He doesn't let his sheep wander for long, even if we're the ones who insist on being left alone.
Have you wandered away? He can take your doubts, fears and frustrations. He is big enough to handle it.
How is He pursuing you today?
David Crowder, "Come Thou Fount."
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