1,000 Gifts: #123-150 Cuz it's breast Cancer Awarness Month

Two years ago, I was two months pregnant and at the office of a breast specialist (ok, surgoen) to have a "spot" looked at. I remember the nurses sighing, "Oh, you're pregnant??" 31-year-old pregnant women don't belong there. After one biopsy, I weaned my firstborn milkaholic son to have a second biopsy done before I was told I was in the clear. Thank you, Lord.

Now I had found another spot, more like a lump, two weeks ago, but I called it a "knot." I didn't want to give it a name {I am careful with my words}. It's just a little knot, probably milk related. Yes, I am still nursing my 17-month-old son, the one I lovingly patted two years ago, though he was barely a bean, when I was wearing the paper gown, waiting with tears in my eyes for the sonogram to start, and later, for the needle to go in. "Your mama is going to be fine," I told him. I was amazed when the anxiety didn't register, when my heart didn't race. Peace.

So "the knot."

I scheduled to go see My Breast Guy again.

"Lord, I don't want this. Take it away." I prayed that prayer every time I felt my hand lingering over "the knot." Every day, the same prayer. "I don't want this, Lord. Take it away." By God's grace, when I thought about what "the knot" could be (my mom is a 15-year breast cancer survivor so those thoughts are never far from my mind), again the anxiety didn't come. Only peace. I would pray it every morning then check....but the knot was still there. Yet I felt peace. "Maybe tomorrow, it will be gone," I would think, then go about my day.

Then the morning of the appointment arrived.

My baby, who usually nurses himself slowly awake, woke up like a shot and was bright-eyed and smiling, unusually chipper. I smiled as he toddled into the hall to find his toys. Then I thought, "Today's the appointment. That lump will be gone today." I tentatively felt around. No knot. I felt around some more, then sat up, stood up, and felt around some more. No knot.

So I cancelled the appointment.

I smiled all day long.

I texted my mom, "No lump, no doctor! Praise God!" She knew I'd been asking God to take it away. "Standing on the promises!" she texted back.

15 years ago, when my mom learned the news that she had breast cancer, she told people, "God said no" of her request to take it away. That journey has changed her life, and the lives of hundreds of people who know her and know our family, for the better. God used cancer to positively impact countless people and we are grateful. This month, we wear pink and our pink ribbon pins and we remind people, "Get your boobs checked!" because we are grateful.

God gives and He takes away. His promises never change. He is ever faithful. He works all things together for good.

I am grateful that I don't have a knot to deal with. I am grateful for the peace that I can't explain. I am grateful for this journey, the journey of learning to trust Him more and rest in Him. He never ceases to amaze me.

123:: standing on His promises

124:: cancelling a doctor's appointment because I have no reason to go

125:: waking up to a happy, fuzzy-headed, Thomas-pajama-wearing baby

126:: showing off our new house

127:: wine and noshing

128:: trading my mom a pedicure for lunch

129:: shopping for my nephew-to-be

130:: a day spent with an old friend

131:: tears when we talk about the goodness of God

132:: amazement at how God writes our stories and intertwines our lives

133:: my mom telling Ethan "I love you" and him giving her three kisses

134:: "Guy" pajamas

135:: feeling 100% well for days at a time

136:: Etsy sales so I could buy food for the party

137:: cool mornings with the back door open

138:: my "Mulled Harvest" candle

139:: winning $10 at Bunco then using it to buy groceries for the family in line ahead of me

140:: sunflowers in my Verde Vase

141:: Daddy & Son day at the Super Chevy Show

142:: a ridiculously delicious mushroom swiss burger, steak fries and root beer

143:: not being bothered by a bad dream

144:: the power of being able to control my thoughts

145:: having God at the center of my thoughts

146:: homemade pumpkin Bundt cake with whipped cream

147:: realizing I'm ahead of the curve in some ways

148:: nursing two boys for a total of 52 weeks...and counting!

149:: the occasional material blessings

150:: being rich in all the ways that matter

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