Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter re-cap & freedom

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend!!

We headed to my folks' house across town, after not having been there for over a month (A new record).

Andrew hunted for eggs.





And enjoyed munching on the candy inside.



We had a lovely meal of steak, mashed potatoes and salad.



And the traditional elements, of course: deviled eggs & olives, and a lemon Bundt cake with jelly beans.



Andrew had to take a dip in the 69-degree pool! Brr!



And here is our family by the pool.



A kiss from my hubby!



Me, largely pregnant, relaxing.



36 weeks/9 months and feeling every bit of it!



Andrew watering the vegetable garden.



It was a lovely Resurrection Day and so nice to be able to show up and enjoy without doing any of the work! Drew even took a nap! Thanks, Mom and Dad!! :)



and now on to the FREEDOM part.

What a perfect weekend to experience true freedom in Christ!!

After my bout with anxiety about two weeks ago, I've really been focusing on God's PEACE. I believe we're going to be on this peace theme for a while and although I feel I've already come a long way, I also feel that God has a lot more work to do with me on peace. I'm open to whatever He is trying to show me and whatever He has for me to walk through, to get me where He wants me to be. Last night, we made a lot of progress.

Although I've been able to keep the anxiety under control with a lot of "renewing my mind" and daily time with the Lord (reading, journaling and praying), my thoughts would still turn to worry--mostly about future things that have no bearing on my everyday life. They were decidedly UNpeaceful thoughts and rather vague...even borderline ridiculous. So of course I knew they weren't from God.

On the way home from my folks' house last night (Easter Sunday), my hubby and I were talking about it. I said, "There's still something lurking there {a worry in the back of my mind} and I think the enemy will continue to torment me with it until I confront it."

I finally pinpointed it, praise Jesus. Or God revealed it to me, I should say. I wasn't worried about going through 'X' experience or having to deal with 'Y' happening to my family or the world turning into 'Z'...I was worried about going through them alone. As in, God not being there. As in, coping and surviving by myself, apart from God. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I believed that God wouldn't be there in my darkest moments, or that He wouldn't be enough for me.

I confessed that sin--of believing the lie that God wouldn't be there or would leave me or wasn't enough, etc. and embraced His truth that He will never leave me nor forsake me! He is always with me...and He is enough!

But.

But I knew there was still a teeny tiny little lie still there. I talked it through, telling my husband that I couldn't quite identify it...then BAM! God brought it to my mind. Even beyond the thoughts about God leaving me, or not being enough...the deeper, darker aspect of that worry was that I was afraid that I would abandon God. The enemy wanted me to believe that when times got tough, even if God was there and was enough...I'd be the one to to bail. That it was all up to me and I would choose my own way, or would decide I couldn't do it or couldn't bear it. I...would leave God. Then I really would be alone, see? The enemy was covering all the bases, saying, "Times are going to be tough. God won't be enough to see you through. God will abandon you! God can't help you! And even if He could...YOU will be the one to give up and bail out, and then you'll really be alone."

Talk about hopeless, huh? Isn't that just like him to say? What a terrible entrapment, a horrible lie, an awful snare! And the enemy sure had me for a while. Well, for 31 years, actually.

Until I confessed the sin of that belief, too, along with the one that many of us may struggle with, which is "What if it isn't real?" Wrapped up in the idea of God leaving me, or me being able to 'lose' Him, is the idea that all this Christian stuff is a big farce to begin with. Or more precisely, that it's a nice idea and a pretty good option for living your life--but that God isn't powerful enough to grab hold of us and hang on and even if He is, we can still let go and lose it all on a whim!!! That is one huge lie to let go of!

I have studied God's sovereignty. I love the principles I've learned about God's sovereignty! And now I can re-visit it all and apply it in freedom and in peace, without this "cloud of doom" hanging over it. I am so excited!!

I feel like I've had a breakthrough and like the enemy has LOST this stronghold on my life. What a perfect weekend for it, too!

Along the same idea is another thing I've struggled with through my Christian walk, which is "Why me, God??" Why do what You did, why send Your son, why redeem us?? and it all comes down to LOVE. That is, after all, what kept Jesus on the cross and what raised him up again! In the midst of the busyness of life, when I think, "What am I DOING, Lord?? What are any of us doing??" I have to remind myself: It's all about love!

Angie says it so well in this post, I encourage you to check it out.

Bring The Rain

Thanks for reading! I pray somehow that God will use this breakthrough He led me through to bless your day, or better yet--to draw you closer to HIM!

P.S. I'll be posting more about God's peace and sovereignty as I continue on this journey! Stay tuned!

1 comment:

Just me.....Shelly said...

looks like you had a very, very special Easter.....beautiful post! Hope you're doing ok!!